


and we're walking

by sassyweethang



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Bureaucracy, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Politics, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Retcon (Torchwood), Tourist Office, Tumblr Prompt, tired public service workers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26108044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassyweethang/pseuds/sassyweethang
Summary: “THE GOD DAMN POKESTOP IS NAMED TORCHWOOD!”
Comments: 11
Kudos: 36





	and we're walking

**Author's Note:**

> trcunning asked:
> 
> prompt: Ianto vs the Cardiff Board of Tourism (who's side are you on Jack?)

“You put your name on everything!” Colette exploded. She was beginning to see why the buck had been passed to her after a long conga line of other officials passing off this seemingly simple task. 

It wasn’t simple. 

Not by a long shot. 

Getting Torchwood on the official site on paper appeared quite easy, all the paperwork was done and dusted, the only thing standing between her and a stamp of approval was Mr Ianto Jones. 

The man was described by her co-workers as an average office worker, polite and benign. 

What a crock of shit. 

Oh sure the suit was nice and he hadn’t raised his voice once to her but whoever thought this man was harmless clearly hadn’t spent more than a minute trying to argue with him. 

“We’re a secret gove-”

“Everybody and their mother knows who you are!” She interrupted peevishly, her knuckles going white around the handle of the coffee mug Mr Jones had provided her with when she’d arrived. 

“I doubt that, my mother certainly doesn't know who I work for,” Ianto countered innocently, “So we’re not going on the official site. We are a secret government organisation not a day out for all the family.” 

Collie could feel her eye twitch, they’d been going round in circles for half an hour already and Mr Ianto Jones appeared as unflappable as he did when she first arrived. It was beginning to grate on her nerves, “You...you are the worst kept secret in all of Cardiff. Nay, the whole of the god damn United Kingdom. You are a major selling point for attracting a very lucrative part of the tourist market-”

“Which part?” He asked curiously. 

“Alien hunters, Doctor enthusiasts, that sort,” Collie offered with a dismissive wave of her free hand.

“Well that’s annoying,” Ianto frowned.

“You have fansites.”

He smiled, genuinely amused, “Tosh runs three of them but that doesn’t mean we want to advertise our location.”

“THE GOD DAMN POKESTOP IS NAMED TORCHWOOD!” Collie yelled at the top of her voice.

“A local landmark name that barely anyone knows the origin of, hiding in plain sight,” Ianto stated and Collie took a deep breath to avoid screaming in rage. At this point he had to be fucking with her.  _ He had to be _ . 

This was obviously a game for him and Collie was through with being  _ nice _ . 

“Mr Jones-”

“Ianto please,” he immediately offered, a friendly olive branch she wanted to take and then beat him to death with but she refrained. 

“Ianto then...You run the tourist office,” she explained slowly. 

“A cover.” Ianto pointed out. Collie smiled.

“A cover we can revoke.”

Now  **that** caused him pause. Collie maintained her  _ friendly _ smile as she waited for him to collect his thoughts, finally on the back foot.

“...Miss -”

“Collie, please,” she offered in return, voice dripping with the overly sweet genial tone of someone hiding the deep and unfathomable rage normal for a person working with the public on a semi-regular basis. 

“Collie, we need to maintain a cover for our business practices,” Ianto said trying to convey the seriousness of the whole thing but Collie was long past accepting his excuses. 

“Frankly Ianto just about everybody knows where you are and who you are, you get Christmas cards from most of Cardiff. I know because I send a card myself, my whole family does. My point is that this,” Collie pointed at the shabby room around her with her mug, thankfully mostly empty at this point, “ _ this _ is a gimmick. An attraction! Not a cover for anything really.”

“So we should have one of those old seaside photo peep boards?” Ianto suggested sarcastically. 

“Themed if possibly, maybe a cuddly alien?” Collie shrugged.

“I was joking,” Ianto said unimpressed. 

“I was only half joking.”

Ianto shut his eyes with a tired sigh, “It’s a bad idea.” 

Ordinarily she had a great deal of sympathy for her fellow public workers. But today she was at war with one man and she wouldn’t give in, she would not return to her office defeated, “Can I discuss it with Captain Harkness?”

“No,” Ianto said firmly.

“Why?” Collie asked, frowning.

“Because he’d be all for it,” Ianto sighed.

Collie’s eyebrow lifted, “So it’s just you standing against this?”

“As usual, it’s me standing between the idiots of this world and any alien or human threats that will absolutely kill them in horrific and terrifying ways, it’s my job,” Ianto recited, it sounded like he said it in the mirror every morning as a reminder to get up and do his job. 

She’d seen Cardiff on a Friday night, she didn’t envy him the task of trying to corral the general public when there was a legitimate threat to their safety involved. It was hard enough dealing with the occasional lost tourist and belligerent local. 

“I get that.”

“Do you?” Ianto asked dubiously. 

“I do! But they’ll keep coming anyway, this way we can control the flow of tourists,” Collie pointed out.

“How?” He sounded intrigued now and Collie resisted the urge to do a victory dance on the spot. 

“Opening hours, seasonal hours,” she said, providing a few examples off the top of her head. Ianto stared at her and she stared right back, trying desperately not to blink in this strange game of bureaucratic chicken. 

“This is a bad idea.”

“Area 51 has guns, we have trespassing laws. Accept it,” Collie implored. 

“I’ll consider your proposal,” Ianto offered.

“You have until Friday,” Collie smiled, setting down the empty mug before turning and striding out of the tourist office smugly. 

She breathed in, a deep sigh of relief as she walked back to her car. Victory was finally hers and she even got a nice coffee out of it, shame it tasted a bit off.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://sassyweethang.tumblr.com/)   
> 


End file.
